THERE IS GOING TO BE A RUPTURE
I heard all about it last week on TV. A scrubbed-up, suit and tied man informed us all that a great rupture will occur soon, even any moment now. All of the people who voted for this man's god will whoosh off the earth in a twinkling (possibly some sort of space craft). The rest of us will be miserable over it and sad to see them gone, he said. Maybe, but I'm not so sure about that part.
People like him are called evangelicals and other names. You can usually identify them by their cherubic smile and clean fingernails (they don't do any useful work). The smile is to show the rest of us how wonderful it feels to be an idiot. This one on TV was certain of the big plan but muddy about details. He didn't know if people will be whooshed in their clothes or butt naked. Or if they can finish the dinner dishes or pull the car over to the side of the freeway. Do they take along their false teeth or various plastic implants? He could't say but in any case he hoped it would be soon because he wanted to be whooshed. I guess things are not going so well for him here.
I say let them go; how many morons do we really need? But here is the big problem! They plan to kidnap all children under twelve! That is not just their own poor children but atheist children and your catholic and jewish and islammy children too. Parental consent is not required for this job. This is a grand conspiracy to commit abduction and not just across some dinky state line.
I was pretty upset when I heard this but I thought it over and now I don't think we need to worry. The rupture business is an old trick and a big flop. It has already been tried by other religious leaders like Mr. Koresch at Waco, Texas and Mr. Jim Jones, the kool-aid poisoner and some Heavens Gate folks. I prefer the last group; they left the children out of it and just offed themselves.
Heck, my grandfather had a rupture. But he never harmed any children; he just walked crooked.
Friday, August 06, 2010
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Religious Curiosities
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1 comments:
I remember you, Bill. If you would only brush up on your grammar and puncting you wouldn't be a such a literary embarrassment.
Your college english teacher.
( You wrote crappy then and have maintained your standards)
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