I went in to amuse my doctor today for a  pre-op exam.   Seems the bone carpenters want to revise my femur; it has barnacles and creaks.   For us ordinary people the femur is the hard thing  between the knee and the butt, holds you up until.....well you get the idea.   I hope they do the right one which is the RIGHT ONE.   Wouldn't hurt too much to do the other but I would sue and make them do the right one, RIGHT ONE,   GET IT!  

I recommend fervently that you avoid this sort of thing.  Else you will be questioned, poked, prodded, bled, and shot in the arm for starters.  For sure never bend over for a pre-op exam.   They will want you to GIVE BLOOD out of your OWN arm.  I volunteered my doctor's arm, either one.   But Oh, No,  needs to be your own personal blood.   As it happens I am fond of my doctor and of his cute nurses.  Until a nice nurse  jected some stuff in my arm.   It was so I wouldn't get tetanus from the hospital or their slavering guard dogs.  (It will be a catholic hospital but more about that after I am safe at home, if......)  Then another, a fresh new nurse, wheeled in a magical device and hooked it all over my chest and legs and arms.  She then sucked all the  lectricity out of my heart.  Hey,  I protested,  I need all the lectricity I can generate for my domestic tranquility.   Oh, Bill, hush, she reassured,  you have plenty, you won't miss even a semi-hemi volt.  Maybe, but I felt limper than before she pasted all those gummy stickers on me.   But when she had all the voltage she wanted, she promised to poke my fingers in the socket for a recharge.   Maybe I was too mean to her.   I do suspect she took some of my volts away for the doctor and herself.  But it was worth while as right off her machine came scrolling a beautiful chart from my heart.  Bill, it said, eat more grease,  cut the exercise and get more beer with salted popcorn.   Those were its actual words.

But really they were all nice and the doctor didn't even put on THE GLOVE.  I was cleared for take off or slaughter which ever came first.   Well,  if I would cut down on the beer for a while.......OK?    OK.  I likely won't get beer in the hospital; only some bloody wine for cheeses sake.