Please GranFrogger, Tell us about Crispness and Cheesie
Now children settle down with your blankets and stuffed bunnies and GranFrogger will tell you all about Chrispness.
You know that most of your little friends believe in Slanty Claws and in Cheeses too. That is because their parents are sillies and have lied to them. That is sad of course but GranFrogger tells the truth because it is better for you and will make you happier and not feel cheated when you later would learn the truth anyway. You have already noticed that Slanty in his red suit and fake whiskers and whiskey breath appears in scads of stores at the same time. Miracle? No Trickery. And any one that corpulent, (that means sloppy fat) can’t get down any chimneys and not get roasted and all sooty. Yes it is make believe like the easter egg bunny and Tooth Ferry.
It all can be a fun story and Chrispness can be fun too if we know the difference between pretend and truth; presents, milk and cookies for Slanty on the mantle and all, even pretty lights and music.
But now to the most silly part of Chrispness. Lots of groan up people claim to believe that Chrispness is all about Cheeses and a virgin mommy (never mind the virgin part; I’ll explain that later when I tell you about fucking and the real way babies get started). The virgin part
is fako too so just ignore it for now. Any way the story is that one of the gods came down and knocked up (that means got her belly full of a baby) a young woman named Mary. At least that was Mary’s story and she has stuck with it. Her lie probably saved her life because in those days the gods (they are imaginary too) commanded that girls that got preggers before they were married or after marriage by some sly devil they were not married to, must be killed by having plenty of bolders thrown at them.
So yes, she became famous and so did her son, Maurice. For effect Maurice changed his name to Cheesie Crispy and manufactured crackers for a living. He figured he would sell more crackers if he made them out of his hair and fingernail clippings with pieces of foreskin. Then he declared he was part god yet fully god but it didn’t sell and he got fixed good for it, crucifixed. That means they hung him out to dry and think about what he should do otherwise next time only he got dead before next time. But that gets into the ether story which I will tell about later. Back to Chrispness, that is a big whoopee about how he was born to be a manager, no, born in a manger. There is all kind of forgery about the story which was stolen from the stories of many other imaginary gods before the Cheeses god.
So what you need to know about it all is just to shut up for now and enjoy the fun parts and ignore the other children’s baloney. Later when you are groan and cram full of wisdom like GranFrogger you can tease the sillies about…….. Hey, wake up you little shits: I’m not here just to jabber into the fireplace. And Oh! Look down the chimbley with a plop, its fricassee of reindeer!
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